


Dreaming of Angels

by nutmeag83



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels, Crowley as an Angel, Crowley hides and watches Aziraphale from a distance, Demons, Fallen Angels, Garden of Eden, Gender, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-panicked Aziraphale, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), In the Beginning, Just gender, M/M, Pining Crowley (Good Omens), Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, adorable Aziraphale, falling angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 12:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutmeag83/pseuds/nutmeag83
Summary: Before Crowley was Crowley, even before he was Crawley, he was Anael, a lowly, lonely, quiet angel who made stars. In his free time, he goes down to Eden to see what's being created there, and stumbles upon Aziraphale. He watches from a distance, too afraid to talk to him. But trouble is brewing up in Heaven ...





	Dreaming of Angels

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title comes from “Angels” by The xx. Watch the video/listen [here](https://youtu.be/_nW5AF0m9Zw). The lyrics work pretty well if you ask me.  
See end notes for info on my choice for Crowley’s angel name.
> 
> I’m using linked footnotes in this. Click or tap on the number inside the [ ] and it will take you down to the note. The return link will bring you back up to your place in the story. *fingers crossed* If you want to learn how to do linked footnotes, I highly recommend Vigs's [The Nice and Accurate Guide to Footnotes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20192773). They do an amazing job explaining it. P.S. Even with those notes, I fought ao3 for 3 hours to get the linking to work. I finally deleted the whole work and re-created it, then it worked fine. Oh, technology. Ima go to the corner and cry now.
> 
> Not beta’d or Brit-picked. I’m lazy and impatient, like a certain demon we know and love.

Anael was a quiet angel, a creator by nature, who was happiest when left alone. If they weren’t actively crafting new stars and systems, they were usually thinking about what they wanted to build next. During their most social moments, they would wander by the work areas of other creator-class angels, studying their designs. Though Anael loved the beauty and vastness of space, sometimes they liked stopping in to see the new creations on God’s chosen planet of Earth, to witness what was being made on the micro level. The things on Earth were so tiny and intricate. The colors seemed so limited, compared what one saw in space—the ultra-violet, gamma, and x-rays were more awe-inspiring where space dust was concerned—but angels could get very creative when limited, which was odd, because otherwise when left to their own devices, angels didn’t have much in the way of imagination. But the creator-class angels did have more freedom because of their nature, so there was that.

Anael was taking one such pass through the newly created Garden when they saw them. The angel had one of those odd corporations that the guardians of the Garden had recently been given. Legs and arms, only two eyes and wings each, but where on the others it was off putting, on this angel, it was pleasing to Anael’s eye. They had hair the color of a white dwarf star, eyes that mirrored a blue supergiant. The shape of their mouth was not terrible [1]—and there was only one of it, rather than the multitudes some angels had—but Anael quite liked its shape, especially at that very moment.

The bright angel held a small creature in their pink, fleshed hands, and they were using their mouth to make sounds at the creature, and from time to time the mouth would flash teeth, but not in a horrible way. It was … nice. If they concentrated, Anael could understand what the sounds meant.

“Oh, my dear. You are darling, aren’t you? So sweet and tiny. I wonder what the humans will call you, when they finally arrive? Oh!” the angel was distracted by a plant that brushed their arm. “And what are you? Such a lovely shade of purple. You’ve done so well!”

The angel went on in this manner for some time. Like Anael, they were in awe of the tiny things created on God’s favored planet. And the more Anael saw of this angel, the more they loved them. All angels loved the Almighty’s creations[2], but this angel in particular exuded a certain joy and love that most other angels failed to show. It was the same love Anael felt at seeing creation, though they were more reserved than this angel was in showing it.

For the next while, any time Anael was free of their duties, they came to spy on this lovely angel, and every time, their love blossomed. They watched the angel talk to creatures, and it seemed as though they were as much of a loner as Anael was, because they steered clear of other angels working on new animal and plant species. Although, on one rare occasion, Anael spied the angel of the western gate talking to them, and learned their name was Aziraphale. The name was pleasing on their tongue, and they whispered it whenever they needed a pick-me-up.

Sometimes Aziraphale would just walk through the Garden in in quiet contemplation. One time, Anael saw them take a fallen stick from a tree and push and pull it along the ground, making shapes in the dirt. Anael wasn’t sure what they were doing, but they seemed happy with the results. And with every move they made, Aziraphale became more fascinating and endearing to Anael.

Still, Anael could not pluck up the courage to go up and speak to them. They were a nobody, a lonely star creator. They didn’t talk to creatures or make shapes in the dirt. Aziraphale would be bored within minutes. So Anael kept quiet and watched when time allowed.

Which, as the time of the creation of humans neared, became very rare. They spent most of their time finishing up galaxies and nebulas, and even during free periods, they stood along the edges of groups of gossiping angels, listening to rumors and trying to gage the outlook of the future.

No one ever talked directly to Anael. They were one of the younger angels, and creator-class angels were somewhat looked down upon. Having an imagination was just plain weird. Anael’s reticence did not endear them to anyone either. If one didn’t have intel, they weren’t worth talking to. Still, Anael listened and took in everything they heard.

And then the day came when someone actually acknowledged them. They’d been listening to this particular group for some time now. Unlike so many other angels, these ones asked questions—why were there classes of angels, why did God want a whole universe built for these unknown humans that would only live on a single planet, why couldn’t they create other things, things the Almighty didn’t ask for, and why did there need to be humans to begin with, weren’t the angels enough for God? These questions made sense to Anael and were ones they’d thought about, maybe not in so many words, but they were thoughts that had at least popped briefly into their head at one point.

And then one of them, the Archangel Lucifer—the Morningstar, one of the most beloved of all—glanced in Anael’s direction. “You there, the shining one. You’re a creator-class, aren’t you?”

Anael looked around. It was true their name could mean “to shine or be bright,”[3] but surely the Morningstar didn’t mean them. But there was no one around except the group Anael had been observing, and Anael themself. Anael tried not to fidget.

“Um, yes?”

Lucifer gave the non-corporeal version of a laugh.[4] “Come, talk with us. We have questions.”

And so for the first time ever, Anael had friends. The angels seemed genuinely interested in what they had to say. They asked Anael questions and listened to the answers. They took the things Anael said into account. The more time they spent with the group, though, the more uneasy Anael became. It was one thing to wish to know more, to learn about the universe, but Lucifer’s group was slowly becoming angry, filled with unrest. Anael wasn’t sure a change in management was necessary, but that seemed to be the way Lucifer was headed based their talking points.

Worried with the uneasy atmosphere of Heaven, Anael took themself down to Earth to watch their favorite angel. They found Aziraphale near a pond, carefully watching something in the near distance. Anael turned in the same direction and saw two beings, similar to some of the others they’d seen recently, the ones that walked on two legs, used their hands as primitive tools, and had complex social groups. But these ones were hairless, except in a few small bunches, plus a very light scattering over the rest of their bodies. The sun shined on their beautiful skin, the same deep brown as good fertile earth. Watching them more closely, Anael realized they showed more awareness than the other animals they’d seen. And their bodies were similar to the corporations the angel guardians had been given. It would make sense that the angels would have corporations similar to those they watched over. These must be the long-awaited humans!

Anael crept a little closer in excitement. To think, they were one of the first angels to see them. How lucky! They glanced over at Aziraphale, but they didn’t seem as excited. Their expression—and Anael had learned over time how to interpret these corporeal expressions—seemed concerned, or at the very least thoughtful. Odd, given their delight with all the other creations they’d encountered. Perhaps this was not the angel’s first time seeing the humans, and they’d had time to grow used to them. Anael went back to watching the humans.

After a while, they decided the new beings weren’t particularly interesting. They mostly acted like the other two-legged upright animals in the Garden, though there was a measure of intelligence behind their actions. Anael had hoped to seem them create their own things, to experiment and discover, to wonder what each plant and animal was. But they spent much of their time eating, sleeping, and walking. They were very young, though, and the first of their kind. Perhaps once they grew more familiar and more aware of their place in the Garden hierarchy, they would become more interesting.

After a while, Anael went back up to Heaven to see what scuttlebutt was saying about the humans. They arrived to confusion and chaos.[5] Angels were whispering to each other, and incorporeal fidgeting abounded.[6] Anael sought out the Morningstar, finding them speaking vehemently with their usual crew.

“Ah, Anael! Finally. We’ve heard you’ve seen the humans up close.”

Anael startled, but Lucifer waved down their anxiety. “Elzeb saw you heading for your usual haunt. You are in no trouble. What you do in your free time is yours alone. For now. In any case, share what you have seen. Your intel is valuable.”

Anael puffed up a little at the words. Apart from their creation of stars, they weren’t considered to be worth much. But Lucifer and the others saw merit in their existence. They ignored the little voice at the back of their mind that said Aziraphale would see worth in them. But then again, they saw worthiness and awe in everything. Anael would be one of many things to the angel. Shaking off the thoughts, they told the others what they’d seen and the impressions they’d gained.

The more they talked, the more restless the group became. Whispered words reached Anael’s hearing. “Why did the Almighty care for these seemingly useless creatures?” “Humans were no better than the other animals in the Garden.” “There is talk that the Almighty will make us worship these humans, which is wrong.” “Yes, angels are meant to love all of creation, but why put a single creation on a higher pedestal?”

Thought still uneasy, the questions made sense to Anael. Over the next few days,[7] they spent their free time between the Garden and with Lucifer’s group, contributing information to the celestial discussions. The longer time went on, though, the more they tried to distance themself from the group and spend more time watching Aziraphale in the Garden. The talk was becoming too angry and vengeful. Would changing The Powers That Be have any actual change on how Heaven was run? God was still the being that reigned over the rest, and getting rid of sycophants like Gabriel and Michael wouldn’t change that fact. Anael had only wanted to ask questions. They didn’t want a rebellion. They didn’t want an Us versus Them situation. It felt wrong.

The Garden, on the other hand, was lovely and serene. Watching Aziraphale was always a joy. These days they were more serious, but still full of joy and awe, though now tempered by a feeling of worry. Did they know of the rebellion being fomented Upstairs? Did it bother them as much as it bothered Anael? These questions could be answered by Anael approaching the glorious creature they still felt so much love for, but they could not make that step. So, they watched.

Aziraphale did not spend too much time with the humans at first, but over time they warmed to them. Within days, they were discussing animal and plant names with the one called Adam. He[8] mostly cared only to name them, then seemed to show little interest in what happened to them after that. Eve, though, Anael liked her. She was bright, inquisitive, insomuch as she could be, with her limited brain. Still, it made her more interesting than everything in the Garden apart from Aziraphale. She and the angel made a good pair, it seemed, for Anael would often spy him[9] teaching Eve about the drawings he had been making since he’d appeared in the Garden. It turned out they were drawings that represented the words they spoke. Since the humans learned speech from the angel, it made sense that he’d also teach them this writing thing as well. Eve loved it. Adam was less than impressed.

Perhaps it was her proximity to the angel, but Eve seemed almost worth worshipping, as the Almighty seemed to be suggesting all the angels do. Perhaps not worthy of having an entire universe built just for her, but a whole planet? Sure, that made sense.

Anael tried to convince her friends of this, but they would not be swayed at this point. They only wanted to listen to the hate and anger the others spouted, and reasoning was impossible.

The last day Anael was blessed to watch Aziraphale,[10] he was showing a new litter of cheetahs to Eve, and they were both cooing and smiling over the miracle, one of the first incidents of birth in the Garden. He seemed so much like the angel Anael had grown to love ages ago, that bright smile, pinked cheeks, and general glow making him so beautiful. She would later think that, as far as last moments as an angel go, this one was wonderful, and she’d keep it close to her heart, though hidden and locked away, for many millennia after.

Suddenly, there was a wrenching in her very being, a pain so great, she could barely think. With her angelic hearing, she tuned into the Heavenly plane, and heard God pronounce that all associated with the Morningstar would be cast out of Heaven.

_No_, Anael had time to think, _I only wanted to learn_, before she was ripped off the earthly plane. Everything was fire and pain and anger and fear.

And then it was black.

{|} {|} {|}

Chaos reigned when Anael came to. Well, half the angels were clamoring and yelling, the other half seemed to be in a daze like Anael. All her senses felt dulled except for pain, which she felt all too well. And cold, she was so cold. She thought she’d been alone in Heaven, but it was nothing compared to the isolation of this new place they were calling Hell. It felt wrong and too much and not enough, and all she wanted to do was go find Aziraphale. She should have talked to him when she had the chance. Maybe she wouldn’t have fallen if she’d had Aziraphale to support her. But what if she would have caused Aziraphale to fall as well? The thought was so reprehensible that she immediately cast it from her mind. No, he was safe where he was. While Anael had only got what she deserved. Asking questions was not for angels.

A few days in her new prison—for that’s all Hell really was—she came across a lake as black as obsidian, and just as shiny. For the first time, she caught sight of herself. She had apparently been given something resembling a human corporation when she fell. A mockery of the bodies of the humans they were meant to love. Was that another punishment handed down by God?

Despite the black of the lake, she could see color. Her hair was a fiery red, her skin as pale as sand, where it wasn’t covered in black smudges at least. And her wings, oh, her precious, lovely wings. They’d once been all of the colors in the universe dusted on white. Now … now they were as black as the lake that reflected them. And slithering around her neck was a snake of black and red.

She definitely didn’t deserve Aziraphale’s attention now. She was glad he would never see her like this.

For the first time ever, Anael collapsed to the ground and cried.

{|} {|} {|}

The next few days were full of fear and disorganization. Anael hid for a time from the others, but was finally found out and put to work. Apparently, all the talk from Lucifer—Satan, he was called Satan now—about all the free time they’d have when he was in charge was just talk, as were the other promises he’d given as freely as Aziraphale gave smiles. Life in Hell was utter drudgery. It was what they deserved.

They couldn’t keep their angelic names, so a Duke of Hell called Dagon, Lord of the Files, went around assigning new names. With the snake around her neck, Anael was named Crawley. She hated it. It wasn’t who she was at all. She didn’t even know where the snake had come from. But she wasn’t given a choice. Perhaps, though, it was who she was now. Deciding she would cut herself off from all she had been before, she decided that “he” suited him better, in this new life.

Soon, all the fallen, newly named and given jobs, were called to a meeting. After some other business was taken care of, Elzeb, now called Beelzebub, Prince of Hell, stepped forward.

“Alright,” Beelzebub called out. “One final order of business. Any volunteerz for going topside? We need to make a little trouble. If we are to be corrupted, so too will the humanzzz.”

Everyone muttered and shuffled their feet. No one was keen to do any work without being forced to, and they already all had jobs. Plus, the Garden was so bright and lovely, it bothered them. Made their skin itch. But Crawley would take anything to get himself out of this terrible place. He’d even risk seeing Aziraphale to get away from Hell.

He raised a hand, ignoring the odd thump in his chest. “I’ll do it.”

{|} {|} {|}

He didn’t really mean to cause the actual downfall of humanity. It’s just, the tree was there, and Eve was already interested. And it was _wrong_ to not let beings ask questions. Crawley should have reminded himself that nothing good happened when you asked questions. Maybe he was hoping for company. He did like Eve very much.

But instead of being cast to Hell, she and Adam were only forced to leave the safety and tranquility of the Garden. He really hadn’t wanted _that_ for them. They were so young. They couldn’t protect themselves or the new baby in Eve’s belly. He ached as he watched them leave through the gate. The eastern gate …

Before he could consciously decide it, he was slithering up the wall to where he felt Aziraphale’s presence. There was a confidence to him he’d never felt as an angel. Perhaps it was his role in the whole rebellion, or being the one who caused Original Sin. Or maybe it was just that he had no further to fall. If Aziraphale hated him, it was only expected. The only way from there was up.

“Well that went down like a lead balloon.”

**Epilogue **

**6,000 years later – a cottage in Sussex**

Crowley watched as Aziraphale fluttered around their new garden. Crowley may have been the gardener of the two of them, but Aziraphale still felt the same joy for new things he had way back at the beginning. He still loved to talk to the little creatures and plants he came across. Especially the bees. Crowley wondered if he should branch out into beekeeping, now that he was retired.[11] If nothing else, Aziraphale would enjoy the honey.

Feeling the bravery—or perhaps freedom—he first felt when he talked to Aziraphale for the first time, Crowley sauntered over to his best friend. “I used to watch you doing this in the Garden.”

Aziraphale stood from his crouch and cocked his head. “I beg your pardon?”

Crowley waved a hand vaguely around. “Before I talked to you, on the wall as the humans fled the Garden. Before all that, I used to come down from Heaven and watch you.”

Aziraphale pinked up a bit in the face—still as endearing as ever—and twisted his hands together. “Oh. Oh, um. That’s a bit embarrassing. I thought I was alone. At least, the other guardians kept their distance.”

Crowley huffed. “They were boring. You were the only interesting thing in the place until Eve showed up. And even then, she was second to you.”

“Oh dear. You shouldn’t say such things. Humans always come before angels.”

“As if I’m not aware of that, angel. I did fall for it, after all.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Oh, I am _so_ sorry. I shouldn’t have–”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with the idea. And, I don’t take it back. You’re still the most interesting thing on this whole planet, hands down.” It was freeing to say it. They’d been avoiding this talk for six thousand years.[12]

“Crowley.”

He’d been prepared for more reprimanding, but Aziraphale’s tone was soft and fond and a just a little sad. He looked away from the flower he’d been concentrating on while he confessed, turning his gaze on his angel who, though still a little pink, had a quiet smile on his face.

“My dearest.” Aziraphale stepped closer, gently taking one of Crowley’s hands in his own. “Do you remember when we ran into each other in Rome, back in the early days? There I was, minding my own business, when what do I hear, but your dulcet tones.”

Crowley snorted. He distinctly remembers being a terrible mood that day. Thrice-cursed Caligula, the arsehole. “I think I can recall that, yeah.”

Aziraphale tutted but smiled. “As I was saying, I heard your voice, and my first thought, before I could catch myself thinking it was, _Finally, someone worth talking to_. I know Heaven and Hell seem to be leaving us alone, but there’s still a part of me afraid to admit this. But if you’re brave, I can be too.” He put his free hand on Crowley’s cheek. “I love humanity and their ingenuity, but not one of them could ever hold a candle to you, my dear. You are beautiful and intelligent, and the most interesting being on this planet.”

Crowley pulled in a breath. He’d known it, deep down, but hearing it, having Aziraphale admit it out loud, it made it feel like he was floating, flying through the stars as he’d done millennia ago. “I thought I said you held that distinction.”

“Well,” Aziraphale breathed. “We’ll just have to agree to disagree. A new arrangement, if you will.”

As far as arrangements went, it wasn’t a bad one.

**{|} Footnotes {|}**

[1] Terrible in the sense of being formidable in nature. Not as in, “the dessert was terrible!” [return]

[2] In the sense that the Almighty thought of what She wanted, and then delegated the actual creating to angels. She was only one being after all, as formidable as She was. It’s not like She could whip everything up in seven days or anything. [return]

[3] Similar to Lucifer’s own name. Perhaps there is some correlation with an angel’s name and whether they are willing to question things. [return]

[4] Anael had learned about laughing from Aziraphale. They were beautiful when they laughed. Lucifer’s laugh was a little more awful. (Again, “awful” in the original sense of being full of awe.) [return]

[5] It didn’t take much to cause chaos in Heaven. Angels were very even-keeled for the most part. [return]

[6] Have you ever seen beings made of spinning wheels, eyes, and wings fidget? It’s very disconcerting. 2/10, would not recommend. [return]

[7] Day had finally been invented, making the passage of time much easier to account for. [return]

[8] For gender had also been invented with the arrival of the humans. Adam was male, and Eve was female, and she given the same pronouns as the Almighty herself, which was a high honor. Anael had decided to try the same gender on. She liked it so far. It made her feel closer to the Almighty. [return]

[9] And hadn’t that been a sight to see, the angel’s choosing of pronouns, or precisely, having one forced on him, after Eve inquired thrice what he was. When she tried to lift up his (frankly ridiculous, she’d exclaimed) robe to see what he was, he’d grown quite bothered and yelled out “Uhhhh, he! I am a man, like Adam.” Anael had giggled to herself for an hour after that. [return]

[10] She did not know it would be the final day. It began like any other, with no portents that anything bad would happen. [return]

[11] That is, Hell was too afraid to give him any assignments. Whether for fear he’d mess them up, or fear of his supposed inability to be even stung by holy water, he wasn’t sure and wasn’t keen to find out. [return]

[12] Well, maybe more like four thousand. They hadn’t spoken much the first couple thousand years. Not enough for Aziraphale return the attachment Crowley had felt from those early days when he’d hidden and watched. [return]

**Author's Note:**

> When I was thinking through the plot points of this fic, I randomly came up with the name Anael (from the angel called Anna in the early SPN seasons; apparently, she were never called Anael in the script, but I guess early fans used it anyway? I dunno). When I Googled the name, I found that a lot of the characteristics given to the angel Anael from myths worked really well for Crowley, so I decided to run with that name. The one characteristic I’m ignoring is that Anael is considered an archangel. I needed Crowley to be a nobody. Sorry dude. 
> 
> You can read up on my research on the [ Angels and Archangels page](http://www.archangels-and-angels.com/aa_pages/correspondences/angel_planet/archangel_anael.html), plus some info from the  Kushiel’s Dart wiki, which has Anael as a fallen angel in the book series. 
> 
> For those not wanting to click away, here are the relevant bits: considered the Planetary and Teaching Angel (Crowley creating stars! And questioning things is certainly one way of teaching!), The Rose Angel (plants!), One of the Angels of Creation (again with creating stars), Ruler of the Second Heaven and in charge of prayers ascending from the 1st Heaven (The Second Heaven serves as the home of the Garden of Eden). And for Kushiel mythology, he is known as the Good Steward and the Star of Love. He taught D'Angelines about growing crops and animal husbandry. Anael caused Elua's oak to sprout when he blew on an acorn Elua offered him. They planted the sprout together in the center of what would become the City of Elua.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed my little fic. Feel free to kudo or comment if you did, but no pressure! Alternately, you can come babble excitedly at me about GO, Doctor Who, Sherlock, and numerous other fandoms on Tumblr [@vateacancameos](http://vateacancameos.tumblr.com/). Have a lovely day!


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